Cannot sleep well........

Recently i cannot sleep well...izit bcoz of the damn hot weather??? hmmm...not really....the actual fact is i miss him...bt bside this, i oso worried abt midterm and assignments...all seem come 2gehter, so i dun reli knw hw 2 tackle when prob comes.....at nite, i sleep a while then wake up, sleep a while then wake up...n often dream oso...make me dun hav a good sleep.....
well, i found something in my house, hope this aromatherapy can help me 2 hav a good nite sleep 2nite...

Miss u vry vry much !!!

Hmm.. wish 2 tel u i miss u vry vry much o....Last sat got phone chatting wit u bt bcoz u r drving n nid goin 2 taek so i hang up the phone...mayb i only talk wit u for 5 min, i stil feel vry happy o....i feel so nice 2 talk 2 u.... everytime talk 2 u sur will laugh de...hehe...talk 2 u make me feel im in a different world, just lik in world without worries n carefree...i miss u so much.............

write wat ho ???

Emm, long time din fill dis blog wit some event..bt duno wan write wat..nw got nting 2 do n vry lazy 2 do revision o anyting...well, i suppose i can try 2 write someting.....The only ting creept into my mind is him le, Ok, then, lets recall back someting abt him.........wher 2 start ho ?? emm...ok, lets start on hw i get 2 knw him.......

I got a fren, named anneza, she is in form 2A class that time. She owes talked abt her classmate wit me, so i get to knw who r them lik ( hiroshi, hua kiong, chung yong, kiat seng and ching hui (him) ) They duno me ofcoz...then during form 3, kiat seng, anneza n me were in the same tuition centre..if im not wrong, in chinese class, i ord mixed wit those A class ppl just i din notice them o even mind 2 talk to them... Bt i owes c their gang during recess time n well, some of them seem pretty cool n handsome..hehe...

Thing started 2 change during form 4 n form 5. I same class wit those guys i mentioned just nw n ofcoz ppl from other classes since we finished our PMR ord. Me seldom talk 2 them either. I owes got noticed him coz i feel he vry handsome..Got one time, after exam, teacher ask me 2 distibute the exam paper, since i stil not familiar wit the class, so it is a bit hard 4 me 2 distribute it to my classmate. Futhermore, it is recess time, nobody in the class, so i reli duno wat 2 do..N coincidentally, he was ther, so i asked him which exam paper belong 2 who lo..n he so kindly dat he said he help me 2 distibute...im so happy dat i got change 2 talk 2 him dat time..bt, i seldom talk de, so dun reli talk much wit him..

Everyting started in form 5.. I wit my ex dat time,n sometimes if my ex wan sent any pic msg 4 me, he wil ask hui 2 help him. So, i get to knw hui hp no. One time, i duno y la, i just sms him..so from dat time onwards, we sms frequently...at 1st, only i not happy wit my ex, i baru wil sms him, bt after dat, he will sms me once in a while..then more frequent, one week omos a few days lik dat...sometimes after go out wit him, he will sms me dat nite n ask me fun ma n bla bla bla... ofcoz not only wit him, bt mayb wit my ex, wit classmate....

duno y, wit him, i feel so comfortable n nice, feel vry xin fu.. bt wit my ex, i feel got pressure..haiz......i break up wit my ex oso got nting 2 do wit him..................................arrr....duno hw 2 cont anymor....there are someting i cannot write it out, sometng dat cnt decribe...someting dat will leave in my heart 4ever.......

Duno wat im writing abt...wan knw ask me better la...haha...

Damn boring !!

So long din update my blog...duno wat 2 write....
Well, Chinese is coming soon, stil got one mor day 2 go...so fast...seem lik yest i just left sch, nw oredi 1 year i left liao...reli many things happen during dis one year...well, i just dun wanna recall it agn, let it pass.... in love matter, i still trapped inside even oredi pass 4 one year liao...so painful...
can anyone tell me when i can escape dis trap...when tink of it, my heart start to pain, tears start to roll down..................
duno y i so stubborn, oredi let go bt stil take it up 2 burden myself agn...nw wan let go is not an easy task..........................

Y wan 2 torture me.....PLS let me go.. I cant stand it anymor...

The game is just started..... After my 1st operation, i thought after i rest for a period of time n bcareful, everything wil run smoothly... bt it didnt... my leg didnt recover at all... it bcome even worse.. the tumour bcome bigger n aggresive.. .

I duno im lucky o unlucky... the tumour is benign n wont spread 2 my other parts of the body, bt it ned time 2 totally get rid of it.. I really hope this is the last operation.. I mean it.. This is the last 1.. PLS!! i dun wan to play the game of life anymor... let me go pls.... dis tumour make me unable 2 cont my study... i feel frustrated of dat... i dun hav any confident 2 self study.. im not a genius...

next week is my midterm, bt bcoz of the operation, i cant concentrate.. i really lost my mind oredi... i squeezed everyting 2gether... i wan 2 do as much ting as i can b4 my operation bcoz i dun wan alang alang... bt will it possible.. i dun hav much time.. i feel tired easily lately n i dun hav mood oso.. wat i suppose 2 do...

haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................................GOD!! PLS !!!

Sorry o !!

Dis saturday my college will organised a trip 2 camp permai. My frens owes force me 2 go. Bt i really cant because of my leg. I oso really hope 2 go since this is the 1st trip 2 go wit my collegemate n i can knw more abt my collegemate... Bt im not a healthy gal...my leg got prob, i cant really join their activities... They are goin 2 hav fun, n if i go, i can only c, n they will oso ned to take care n think of my sake. I dun wan 2 b lik dis...

I cant go oso since my parents wont allow. Bcoz of my leg, i cant do anthing, it restrict my life n my movement. whn i c ppl walking normally n no illness, i really envy them. Maybe for most ppl, they wont care hw i walk, o wat happen 2 my leg, as long as it is not fatal... bt i do care...i do mind.... i so scared whn ppl look at me, look at hw i walk........ i........ i oredi duno wat can i do nw.........

Mooncake festival

14th September 2008...2day is a mooncake festival. First, i wan 2 say Happy MoonCake Festival 2 myself. Bt, im not happy after all. I oso didnt feel unhappy, it is more close 2 frustrated. This is hw i feel. Every years, im alone playing lantern o didnt play, i just c the kids playing happily 2gether n hear their laughing.. So happy, innocent and enjoy. Bt me.....LONELY dis word has haunted me for 18 years. I really envy those children. Sometimes, i do feel nice 2 be alone, bt my heart is not cooperate wit me. Whenever im enjoying the moment being alone, it make me think of sad things, my heart wan 2 tel me 'it' is crying inside.......bt y whn i put myself 2 cry, i cant cry, my tear wont fall....... izit bcoz im 2 frustrated oredi????????

I really hope every festival 2 come.. bt whn dat day really arrive, i never really feel happy o enjoy it.... My smile n my happiness is all fake...... I owes keep telling myself im happy, im vry happy, bt y whn im in my room, i cant smile anymore............

Im not happy for all the time izit?????? i duno...... i sometimes suspect myself got pyscho prob...... well, maybe......... dis year im vry li hai o...i didnt ask any 1 of myself 2 accompany me...i pass it all alone ALONE.........