I often feel that our life is just like a story that is written by God.God create us and make a life's story for all of us.Everything that we gone through is already being arrange by God.It cant be denied that we have to make a lot of choices in our life and each choice will lead us to a road,whether it is good or bad.But,sometimes no matter how we plan of our future,it may not turn into the way we want.
Like me,since small i dont have siblings and i do every things on my own until i grown up now.When i reflash back,all the ways from im small until now,it is just like a story-My life's story.What is life??I really dont know.Living in this world,be a human being is not an easy stuff.We will face many problems like financial,study,love and friendship.We cant avoid it.For me,life is harsh.
I like to have a simply life.Living happily,enjoy freedom and carefree.Life like that is just like heaven.I need to struggle for excellent result in school and it is really tiring and stressful.Even when i rest,my heart still stick to study because i know if i cant get good result,my family will be dissapointed.Im their only child,their only hope.But,nobody would ever understand me or i should say nobody will care how i feel.
This world is very cruel.People come only when you are rich,when can have fun and when they can get benefit.But,people leave whenyou are poor,when you are in trouble and when they think you need their help.For me,all the people are same,not so good,n not so bad.But,i dont have a true friend.I cant find any sincere friend that can talk with me and share everything with me.Well,i guess blog is my only friend.
I got a classmate that tell me that i shouldnt live in my own world,i should communicate more.So,i tried.But,no matter how,i still cannot squeeze into the society.Like in class,i tried to make friend with them and close with them,but nobody will care im there or not,im just an outsider.
Now,i still not sure i should call them friends or classmate or tuitionmate or just someone that i know.When im in trouble,i find them to help me and care for me.On the other hand,when they need help,im always around,listen to them,help them and console them.I duno izit my problem or their problem.Like this year i went to do operation,done of my friend ask about it,or really care about me.Well,there are a few that ask about my condition la,but i dont know is caring for a friend or just pity me.I open my heart to make friends but their turn me down.When i close my heart n live on my own world,thay encourage me to have more sosial life.What kind of world is that???
This few days,when i close my eyes i will think of my past time and him.It is really torturing.I wish to forget all of it.If now got an angel ask me what wish i got,i will wish to forget my time in SMK Pending.Because nobody will care about my appearance or dissaperance.Nobody care im there or not.Nobody will feel that im missing.Just like what i like to say,with or without me is not important at all.Only my exbf will feel it.But i dont have the chance to appreaciate him.This world is really so cruel to me.I dont have siblings,dont have friends,im not important living in this world after all.Im just too much.Luckily i got family that love me so much and pampered me.
Talking so much,who will care?Seeing people go out with a group of friends laughing and talking,so good.Im so envy.But i never have that chance.Im just a person that nobody will care and remember.Maybe after a few years,i still remember that damn SMK pending,but they already forget about me.
It seem like im so ko lian and desperate.Ya,it is true.That is my life,the story that God give.Nobody will interested in me.Who am i for them?A person that are not necessary to appear.Well,i guess i better dissapear.Life no meaning for me after all.Byeeee Byeee world!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Memories that will always kept in my deep heart
Time really past very quickly.Almost all my friends went to study already,some go for form 6 and some go to college,i oso waiting to study too.It seem like only yesterday we just finished our SPM.(Just bluffing..he he..actually is very long liao).One day past and the another day follow up,people come,people leave,that is life.It is just like the memories that follow us all the way through our life,any sweet and sour memories will never be forgotten even thought sometimes we may wish to.
How about own memories??It is even hard to forget.I still remember the 1st time i went to study in Kindergarden.That time i dont want to go to school n i cried and cried everytime im told to go to school.Then,i went to primary school,at 1st i still like to cry and dont want to go to school,but as time pasess,i dont cried anymore.I like to play with my friends and talk with them.But that time,im still small and innocent.Until secondary school,i began to feel how hard to gone through a life.I start to understand more things and experience more things too.Sometimes,i will feel like want to give up,but i know i cannot,i must be strong,so that i will success.Until form 4,everyting start to change,a big change from A-Z.I started to experince love besides study.Well,im still putting study in 1st place,so i never mix my problemn emotion with my study.
Talking about love,it really leave many memories for me.For example,the most unforgetful memory is im falling in love with a guy i shouldnt love.Ok,now is story time,my love story.The story start long long ago.......................=.=,ha ha,just kidding.The story began when i was dating with my bf.With him i have chance to know more about my classmate,before im with him,i know nting with my classmate and i seldom communicate with them. This is how i get to know him.Actually i and him not so close,just whenever im boring,and got problem im sure will find him because he is just like,just like an angel for me.He will always cheer me up and make me happy.Maybe is because i like to use him to make my bf jeolous,so i slowly began to have feel with him.But i never hope he will love me,i just hope he will always be my brother,be my angel that cheer me up and help me when i need him.I oso dont want to lose a friend like him.I thought like this i will never lose him,but it seem like after he know my feel,he start to avoid me.Well,it is ok for me,i oso decide to put all the thing related to love away.I oso Break up with my bf,ofcoz not because of him.It is because i dont want to involve in love anymore.Losing a friend will make me feel lonely,and regret.I never thought that our friendship will change,so it is a kind of thing i never expect.Today is his Birthday but i dont have a change to celebrate with him.I ever say i will make a party for him,but now.......well he oso dont need me to celebrate with him.Maybe he oso already forget.But i really hope he will receive my sincerity to be his friend and the best birthday wish.I hope the lucky star i made will deliver my wish for him.I wish him,healthy and happy,n ofcoz doing well in his study.I sure will regret for not celebrate with him,but i can only keep it in my heart.This few days all the memory about his always flash through my mind.I really happy when thing of it.Sometimes i feel lucky oso because if we really are couple,maybe the sweet memory will fade just like me and my ex.
Today my friend sent someting for me,"Life only pass us once,today"s moment becomes tomorrow memory.Enjoy every moment,good or Bad,coz the gift of life is life itself-Happy everyday."It really bring meaning for me.
How about own memories??It is even hard to forget.I still remember the 1st time i went to study in Kindergarden.That time i dont want to go to school n i cried and cried everytime im told to go to school.Then,i went to primary school,at 1st i still like to cry and dont want to go to school,but as time pasess,i dont cried anymore.I like to play with my friends and talk with them.But that time,im still small and innocent.Until secondary school,i began to feel how hard to gone through a life.I start to understand more things and experience more things too.Sometimes,i will feel like want to give up,but i know i cannot,i must be strong,so that i will success.Until form 4,everyting start to change,a big change from A-Z.I started to experince love besides study.Well,im still putting study in 1st place,so i never mix my problemn emotion with my study.
Talking about love,it really leave many memories for me.For example,the most unforgetful memory is im falling in love with a guy i shouldnt love.Ok,now is story time,my love story.The story start long long ago.......................=.=,ha ha,just kidding.The story began when i was dating with my bf.With him i have chance to know more about my classmate,before im with him,i know nting with my classmate and i seldom communicate with them. This is how i get to know him.Actually i and him not so close,just whenever im boring,and got problem im sure will find him because he is just like,just like an angel for me.He will always cheer me up and make me happy.Maybe is because i like to use him to make my bf jeolous,so i slowly began to have feel with him.But i never hope he will love me,i just hope he will always be my brother,be my angel that cheer me up and help me when i need him.I oso dont want to lose a friend like him.I thought like this i will never lose him,but it seem like after he know my feel,he start to avoid me.Well,it is ok for me,i oso decide to put all the thing related to love away.I oso Break up with my bf,ofcoz not because of him.It is because i dont want to involve in love anymore.Losing a friend will make me feel lonely,and regret.I never thought that our friendship will change,so it is a kind of thing i never expect.Today is his Birthday but i dont have a change to celebrate with him.I ever say i will make a party for him,but now.......well he oso dont need me to celebrate with him.Maybe he oso already forget.But i really hope he will receive my sincerity to be his friend and the best birthday wish.I hope the lucky star i made will deliver my wish for him.I wish him,healthy and happy,n ofcoz doing well in his study.I sure will regret for not celebrate with him,but i can only keep it in my heart.This few days all the memory about his always flash through my mind.I really happy when thing of it.Sometimes i feel lucky oso because if we really are couple,maybe the sweet memory will fade just like me and my ex.
Today my friend sent someting for me,"Life only pass us once,today"s moment becomes tomorrow memory.Enjoy every moment,good or Bad,coz the gift of life is life itself-Happy everyday."It really bring meaning for me.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
^^^^^^Another nightmare^^^^^^^^^
After i went to see Dr.Lee,i really glad that my leg is getting better.But two days later,1st may,i went for another operation.My toe got infection and the nail went inside my skin,so have to remove it.So,i went for operation and live in hospital for one night.
Im very pity right?So coincidence,i operate 2 times on the same leg.I will never forget,how misery im.Eat so many medicine,put needle on my hand,injection and how many holes on my hand.I went in and out from Kuching Specialist hospital for so many times.I think my family should be awarded for VIP,the most valued customes of KPJ hospital because we always went in and out there.We almost know all the nurses and doctors.They also very familiar with us.
That night,my dad bring me to see the doctor,and he said need to refer to Dr Lee,because he is the one who done operation for me.So,we wait till around 9 pm someting,then i had my operation.The nurses(guys) know i scared when they put needle on my hand,so always make me laugh,that why i didnt cry.Hehe.Then,slowly im being pushed into the operating room,the hospital has upgrade their operating room with new light (1st in east Msia) and im so 'lucky' to see it. =.=
Maybe it is a small operation,but the medicine make me sick.I feel not very well after consuming the med.Haizzzzzzzz.................nting much i can do nw.I thought everything would be getting better when my angkle is healing,but another problem appear.
Haizz...nw i can only take care of my health and get well soon.Oh MY GOD.........im so Misery nw...
Im very pity right?So coincidence,i operate 2 times on the same leg.I will never forget,how misery im.Eat so many medicine,put needle on my hand,injection and how many holes on my hand.I went in and out from Kuching Specialist hospital for so many times.I think my family should be awarded for VIP,the most valued customes of KPJ hospital because we always went in and out there.We almost know all the nurses and doctors.They also very familiar with us.
That night,my dad bring me to see the doctor,and he said need to refer to Dr Lee,because he is the one who done operation for me.So,we wait till around 9 pm someting,then i had my operation.The nurses(guys) know i scared when they put needle on my hand,so always make me laugh,that why i didnt cry.Hehe.Then,slowly im being pushed into the operating room,the hospital has upgrade their operating room with new light (1st in east Msia) and im so 'lucky' to see it. =.=
Maybe it is a small operation,but the medicine make me sick.I feel not very well after consuming the med.Haizzzzzzzz.................nting much i can do nw.I thought everything would be getting better when my angkle is healing,but another problem appear.
Haizz...nw i can only take care of my health and get well soon.Oh MY GOD.........im so Misery nw...
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