Medical Check Up

Dub dab,dub dab.........My heart beats very fast because today i will be going for my medical check up after two months of operation.I wonder what the doctor will say about my angkle.

Finally,i arrived at Kuching Specialist Hospital.I went for xray first.The nurses and guards there are very nice.They all know about me because im funny..heh heh...and i cried when emit to the hospital from ground floor to my wad,and also because i like them and i always going in and out there...heh heh..Everyone of them care about me,they know i still small,so always tried to tell joke to me when taking injection,taking my blood,and puting needle on my small hand.Now i know why they receive many cards from the patients.

After xray,i went to see Dr Lee.He says:Very good,can walk without clutches now,but need extra careful when walk.Cannot put so much weight and cannot climb up the staircase."Im very happy to hear that but cannot go upstair,that mean i need to sleep in the living room for another couples of months,haiz...almost half year i cannot see my bedroom..how i miss my warm bed..

Anothe thing is,i afraid to walk. I afraid to step on the floor,so i still depend on clutches.Dont know when i can confront my fear and start to walk again?????

Friends

It is another day again.One day past and the other day follow up.Since my SPM,i have not seen my schoolmates and tuitionmates for about 4 months.Tonight,i went out with my parents and we went to 'Fork and Knife restaurant and cafe' to eat.We planned to go to The Spring to buy doughnut but the people all queue up like a dragon,so my dad didnt buy for me.Thats why we appear at that new opening western food restaurant and knock into my schoolmate(Maureen).She is my formal classmate during Form 3,then when in Form 4,we were in different classes.

We are not friend,but just know each other.And i ever invite her to my gathering too.We wave to each other at first,and then when she was about to leave,she talked to me.Now,she is studying multimedia at Swimburne,that means she will be my collegemate again.She is more beautiful and look elegant now.

On the way home,i saw another tuitionmate.I dont know her well,just roughly know something about her.Meeting those two old friends make me think of my school time.How i rushed for tuition after school,the time i spend on doing homework and revision,how i spend my time with my friends and etc.Those school time memories will left behind as time past because i will have to go on with my life and more and more memories will be created.

Thinking of my school time,i really have fun time with my classmates.Since primary school,my class were like monkey and they were very funny.So,we always laugh during lesson times.I still remember during form 3,my Sejarah teacher is very funny.The ways he taught us were interesting.But at the same time we afraid of him.He is fierce and like to ask us questions.He also bring "rotan" to class just like in primary school.

Well,there is also time which i acted silly in school.In Malaysia map,where is Sabah located???Sure many will know the answer.But in form 3,when geography teacher asked me,i dont know how to answer.Actually i know the answer,but im not sure and no confident.The main reason is because i havent prepare for the class,im doing my own work that time,thats why i dont know what to do when teacher ask me that.How embarassing!!!!!!!!But actually,it is not a big deal,at least i can learn from mistakes.I never pay attention on our Malaysia map,from that day onwards i studied our Malaysia map till i can recognised every cities and states in Malaysia.My friends are the one who help me how to recognise the states,so i really have to thank them.Ha ha....

When i heard that many of my schoolmates will go to swimburne to study,i feel relief because i know that im not alone.I got people that i know,even thought different batch,studying there.I got friends in there.Im not alone in facing those strangers.I will have new friends and more over i will have a strong friendship with my old friends.

FRIENDSHIP NEVER LAST.

Miss and Love

'Wah,he is handsome'.This is what normally girls would said when they see a perfect guy-fit,strong,tall,cool and stylist.Me???ofcourse same as other girls...thats is why i called myself super duper playgirl.Ha Ha....I mostly chat online with some 'orang putih' .Well,at that moment i called them temperary 'boyfriend' because they are boys. heh heh...
Well,it has been a long time since i chat with those people.Almost 2 years.Quite a very long time.Wonder why???????I busy with my studies,that is my 1st reason.I struggle very hard to get good results.All my mood to flirt all give to my books.Ya,flirt with my 'lovely books' so that i could achieve excellent results.
During Form 4,i met many new friends from my club rekasains.Mostly boys.Got a XXX guy fall in love with me,emm actually two...heh heh....just i never know........I started a 2 months(cant remember clearly) relationship with him,then break up.Well,as a playgirl,sure i will sad and heartache because it was in reality not my online 'bf'.But,i never consider that as 1st love because i got too many temperary bf till i dont know which is which.Well,just forget about those childish time.I already bored of it and forget half of it.
Then,my 2nd secret admirer(CTB) is in my class.At first we just sent messages then went out.Just like any couples does.We gone through sweet and sour together.At the same time,we struggle for SPM too.But,our relationship always encounter problems.1st few months,a problem will not become a problem for me and him,because we just started.After about half year,all the problems come together.I jeolous him with a girl at 1st,then he jeolous me with a guy(007).007 is his best friend and mine too.He is playful and know how to cheer me up.With him im very happy and comfortable.Maybe is because of this i feel that he is important to me too.Because of this,my problem with him become deeper.So,i spend a lot of time with 007.So,time just past.I never solve my problem because of my SPM is near.
Until recently,we break up.why??? I also not sure why.If u ask me who I miss the most,i cant tell you.WHo is the most important to me,I also cant tell.
When i feel sad and depressed,i will think of 007,he sure will cheer me up.When im boring,CTB will be there,24 hours for me.So,in short,i need both.I know i shouldnt be so stubborn,i should let 1 go. So i let 007 go 1st.Then,i break up with CTB.Well,CTB never give up on me,keep in touch with me and be with me.I dont know what should i do.A playgirl suddenly not interested in love now.The only thing still got inside my heart is miss.Since i need both of them,i want them to be with me anytime when i need them just like friends.Dont know my heart will fall on which guys but i know that since i cant make my decision now,just let it be.I will know the answer naturally as time pass and as i become mature.Sometimes thing that we cant decide by ourselves,we only can let destiny to make the choice for us.But if destiny also cant help,then we should let it go and begin a new life.Talking about new life,when will i start a new fresh life again???
Well,ikut takdir and nasib.

Psycology Problems

hAIZ....yesterday night i noticed that 1 of my toe is inflammed and pain.My family said that is ok.But after my operation,it leave a big impact on my life.Last time,i believed what my parents and grandparents said,but now,what they said have no more power on me.Maybe they said that toe is fine,but i still got bad feel about that toe.I really scared.
Only a small health problem will lead me to think negatively.I feel that im very unhealthy and i got many illness.Since small im very easy to fall sick,but those are just small matter like fever,coughing and flu.It is easy to be cured.But now,my sickness seem become more complicated.A small matter already need to see specialist and do many test.I dont understand why im the one who suffer a lot???Why me?????From my eye to my angkle,my toe,my weak lung,my nose.......it seem every part of me got problem.
What i had done in my previous life or present life till God want to punish me like this?????
Ya,it cant be denied that my family loves me a lot.And i feel lucky for that.On the other hand i dont like with my family because of the family problems that appear.I always want to leave.Ofcourse i will care for my family too even thought i leave.But,will this make me a bad child?Not respected my parents??Well,what to do,im the only child,i have to sacrified many things just for my family's sake.
Sometimes when i think back those unhappy events on my family,think of myself again,i feel sad and stressful.It really driving me crazy.I never enjoy my life.People feel happy when going for a party,but me is the other way round.People talking happily,playing together and enjoys themselves,but me..........I dont feel happy at all.I like parties,just i cant enjoy it.
Sometimes go to the park,seeing those children running here and there playing around happily,i hope i can be like them,but i never have those memory.In my memory,most of the time im staying at home playing alone.Now,grow up already,i hope i can enjoy my teenage life,but i cant do what normal teenager do.Im as u too,im normal,but because im weak and being protected by my family,i cant enjoy much of the joys.
I also noticed that,the bigger im,my health descend a lot.Is this true??or i just think too much??
But why i will feel like i have no future??Is it i cant live long??Arhhhhhhh..........what im talking about,i will be fine,right??
Actually,im steadfast than other children of my age.I have face many problems,if other people face the same problem as me,maybe they will lost their mind.But is this true im steadfast and brave??Maybe true,but i can be very weak sometimes.I pretend to be happy all the times.Maybe there is nothing making me unhappy,but i will not feel happy.Well,there is also times im not pretending.Sometimes,i also dont know when im pretending,when im real.
Hope everyting return to normal soon,i also hope what im thinking is not true,hope it is just nonsense.

God's Will-fate

Everyone living in this world will have ups and downs time,it depends on how people deal with it.Nobody can live smoothly without having difficulty in life including me.I always thought that nothing bad would ever happen to me.Well,of course some comman bad luck might happen like fail in exam,fell down n bleed,quarrel with friends and family and etc.But,i never think something like accident,having disease or those serious cases would ever happen 2 me.
Last year after my nightmares(SPM),i went to work at a kindergarden near my house,i think it is fun and interesting since it was my first job,but when i went home i noticed that my right angkle is swollen.I dont pay much attention to it because i think maybe it was just spraining,so just left it.3 months past and my leg still didnt recover and it pains too.So,after my vacation,my dad brought me to hospital for examination.It was the 4th day of CNY.I went for xray and done MRI.When the xray film came out,i know something was wrong already but i pretend i dont know anyting so that my family wont feel sad.But once the MRI report came out and the doctor said i need to undergo an operation,i know i cant hide my feeling anymore.I started to cry in the hospital.My dad feel sad seeing me like that.There was something inside my bone,n part of my bone was missing.I ned to take out that "thing"(i dont know what it is) and take some of my hip bone plus artificial bone to refill the hole there.
After going home,i also cried and of course i feel scared too.I never expect this thing would ever happen to me.At night when lie on my bed,i too frightened to sleep.My mind started to think of those nonsense things.I wonder what if i cant wake up anymore the next day,what if i sleep till return to God,what if i cant wake up after the operation.........and what if i cant live till 18.From that day onwards,i only sleep after 1pm or making myself very tired before going to sleep.Well,in the first 3 night,i tried to comfort myself and i do sleep well.BUT the night before my operation,no matter what i do,i cant tear myself away from being fear,so i cried again.
Soon,the big day came,16 feb,i would not forget that 'special day".That is the last day i walk before undergo my operation. In the operation room,doctors doing their job,and me lying down on the bed and waiting for the doctor in charge to come.10 minutes later,i close my eyes and fall into a deep sleep.When i woke up,operation had done.But im too tired,so continue to sleep for the whole day.Since then i cant walk until i fully recover.At first,i cant accept it because im normal but cannot step on the floor.Sleep also hard.As times past,it slowly recover,and i slowly can walk a bit.I finally return to my normal life.
But now,i know that im a normal person that will face with challenges and ups and downs of life.I have to accept the fate giving by God.God giving me a weak body,and i should know how to take care of it.Not every thing is bad,just think positively,and be happy all the ways through our lifes.