Psycology Problems

hAIZ....yesterday night i noticed that 1 of my toe is inflammed and pain.My family said that is ok.But after my operation,it leave a big impact on my life.Last time,i believed what my parents and grandparents said,but now,what they said have no more power on me.Maybe they said that toe is fine,but i still got bad feel about that toe.I really scared.
Only a small health problem will lead me to think negatively.I feel that im very unhealthy and i got many illness.Since small im very easy to fall sick,but those are just small matter like fever,coughing and flu.It is easy to be cured.But now,my sickness seem become more complicated.A small matter already need to see specialist and do many test.I dont understand why im the one who suffer a lot???Why me?????From my eye to my angkle,my toe,my weak lung,my nose.......it seem every part of me got problem.
What i had done in my previous life or present life till God want to punish me like this?????
Ya,it cant be denied that my family loves me a lot.And i feel lucky for that.On the other hand i dont like with my family because of the family problems that appear.I always want to leave.Ofcourse i will care for my family too even thought i leave.But,will this make me a bad child?Not respected my parents??Well,what to do,im the only child,i have to sacrified many things just for my family's sake.
Sometimes when i think back those unhappy events on my family,think of myself again,i feel sad and stressful.It really driving me crazy.I never enjoy my life.People feel happy when going for a party,but me is the other way round.People talking happily,playing together and enjoys themselves,but me..........I dont feel happy at all.I like parties,just i cant enjoy it.
Sometimes go to the park,seeing those children running here and there playing around happily,i hope i can be like them,but i never have those memory.In my memory,most of the time im staying at home playing alone.Now,grow up already,i hope i can enjoy my teenage life,but i cant do what normal teenager do.Im as u too,im normal,but because im weak and being protected by my family,i cant enjoy much of the joys.
I also noticed that,the bigger im,my health descend a lot.Is this true??or i just think too much??
But why i will feel like i have no future??Is it i cant live long??Arhhhhhhh..........what im talking about,i will be fine,right??
Actually,im steadfast than other children of my age.I have face many problems,if other people face the same problem as me,maybe they will lost their mind.But is this true im steadfast and brave??Maybe true,but i can be very weak sometimes.I pretend to be happy all the times.Maybe there is nothing making me unhappy,but i will not feel happy.Well,there is also times im not pretending.Sometimes,i also dont know when im pretending,when im real.
Hope everyting return to normal soon,i also hope what im thinking is not true,hope it is just nonsense.