Miss and Love

'Wah,he is handsome'.This is what normally girls would said when they see a perfect guy-fit,strong,tall,cool and stylist.Me???ofcourse same as other girls...thats is why i called myself super duper playgirl.Ha Ha....I mostly chat online with some 'orang putih' .Well,at that moment i called them temperary 'boyfriend' because they are boys. heh heh...
Well,it has been a long time since i chat with those people.Almost 2 years.Quite a very long time.Wonder why???????I busy with my studies,that is my 1st reason.I struggle very hard to get good results.All my mood to flirt all give to my books.Ya,flirt with my 'lovely books' so that i could achieve excellent results.
During Form 4,i met many new friends from my club rekasains.Mostly boys.Got a XXX guy fall in love with me,emm actually two...heh heh....just i never know........I started a 2 months(cant remember clearly) relationship with him,then break up.Well,as a playgirl,sure i will sad and heartache because it was in reality not my online 'bf'.But,i never consider that as 1st love because i got too many temperary bf till i dont know which is which.Well,just forget about those childish time.I already bored of it and forget half of it.
Then,my 2nd secret admirer(CTB) is in my class.At first we just sent messages then went out.Just like any couples does.We gone through sweet and sour together.At the same time,we struggle for SPM too.But,our relationship always encounter problems.1st few months,a problem will not become a problem for me and him,because we just started.After about half year,all the problems come together.I jeolous him with a girl at 1st,then he jeolous me with a guy(007).007 is his best friend and mine too.He is playful and know how to cheer me up.With him im very happy and comfortable.Maybe is because of this i feel that he is important to me too.Because of this,my problem with him become deeper.So,i spend a lot of time with 007.So,time just past.I never solve my problem because of my SPM is near.
Until recently,we break up.why??? I also not sure why.If u ask me who I miss the most,i cant tell you.WHo is the most important to me,I also cant tell.
When i feel sad and depressed,i will think of 007,he sure will cheer me up.When im boring,CTB will be there,24 hours for me.So,in short,i need both.I know i shouldnt be so stubborn,i should let 1 go. So i let 007 go 1st.Then,i break up with CTB.Well,CTB never give up on me,keep in touch with me and be with me.I dont know what should i do.A playgirl suddenly not interested in love now.The only thing still got inside my heart is miss.Since i need both of them,i want them to be with me anytime when i need them just like friends.Dont know my heart will fall on which guys but i know that since i cant make my decision now,just let it be.I will know the answer naturally as time pass and as i become mature.Sometimes thing that we cant decide by ourselves,we only can let destiny to make the choice for us.But if destiny also cant help,then we should let it go and begin a new life.Talking about new life,when will i start a new fresh life again???
Well,ikut takdir and nasib.