Life's story

I often feel that our life is just like a story that is written by God.God create us and make a life's story for all of us.Everything that we gone through is already being arrange by God.It cant be denied that we have to make a lot of choices in our life and each choice will lead us to a road,whether it is good or bad.But,sometimes no matter how we plan of our future,it may not turn into the way we want.
Like me,since small i dont have siblings and i do every things on my own until i grown up now.When i reflash back,all the ways from im small until now,it is just like a story-My life's story.What is life??I really dont know.Living in this world,be a human being is not an easy stuff.We will face many problems like financial,study,love and friendship.We cant avoid it.For me,life is harsh.
I like to have a simply life.Living happily,enjoy freedom and carefree.Life like that is just like heaven.I need to struggle for excellent result in school and it is really tiring and stressful.Even when i rest,my heart still stick to study because i know if i cant get good result,my family will be dissapointed.Im their only child,their only hope.But,nobody would ever understand me or i should say nobody will care how i feel.
This world is very cruel.People come only when you are rich,when can have fun and when they can get benefit.But,people leave whenyou are poor,when you are in trouble and when they think you need their help.For me,all the people are same,not so good,n not so bad.But,i dont have a true friend.I cant find any sincere friend that can talk with me and share everything with me.Well,i guess blog is my only friend.
I got a classmate that tell me that i shouldnt live in my own world,i should communicate more.So,i tried.But,no matter how,i still cannot squeeze into the society.Like in class,i tried to make friend with them and close with them,but nobody will care im there or not,im just an outsider.
Now,i still not sure i should call them friends or classmate or tuitionmate or just someone that i know.When im in trouble,i find them to help me and care for me.On the other hand,when they need help,im always around,listen to them,help them and console them.I duno izit my problem or their problem.Like this year i went to do operation,done of my friend ask about it,or really care about me.Well,there are a few that ask about my condition la,but i dont know is caring for a friend or just pity me.I open my heart to make friends but their turn me down.When i close my heart n live on my own world,thay encourage me to have more sosial life.What kind of world is that???
This few days,when i close my eyes i will think of my past time and him.It is really torturing.I wish to forget all of it.If now got an angel ask me what wish i got,i will wish to forget my time in SMK Pending.Because nobody will care about my appearance or dissaperance.Nobody care im there or not.Nobody will feel that im missing.Just like what i like to say,with or without me is not important at all.Only my exbf will feel it.But i dont have the chance to appreaciate him.This world is really so cruel to me.I dont have siblings,dont have friends,im not important living in this world after all.Im just too much.Luckily i got family that love me so much and pampered me.
Talking so much,who will care?Seeing people go out with a group of friends laughing and talking,so good.Im so envy.But i never have that chance.Im just a person that nobody will care and remember.Maybe after a few years,i still remember that damn SMK pending,but they already forget about me.
It seem like im so ko lian and desperate.Ya,it is true.That is my life,the story that God give.Nobody will interested in me.Who am i for them?A person that are not necessary to appear.Well,i guess i better dissapear.Life no meaning for me after all.Byeeee Byeee world!!!!!!!!