Insonmia

2day is my final exam for 1st semester. The general biology paper is quite hard n i duno how to do while the Intro 2 biotech is still ok. This week i really get tired vry easily. n i oso dun hav mood to study at all. Everyday i went to college, studying and go out to eat wit frens. Althought my leg is vry painful bt i still look lik vry happy. One of my senior said dat im positive that althought i hav illness bt i still vry look vry happy lik nting happen.

Ya, i admit dat coz im a happy go lucku person. I wont show my sadness 2 anyone. And i just keep in my heart. Bt in real, i do feel sad, scared and pain in my heart. Althought all my fren care 4 me bt i still knw dat im different from them. I cant walk properly n my leg owes pain. N nw it is swollen. Im vry scared.

When i tell other ppl abt dis, they will console me and say is ok i cant walk properly, it is not a big deal compared to those really cacat. Bt, i cant really accept dis. Coz, i dun wan be tempang, coz im a gal...i everyday need to stand 4 my pain and i walk vry slowly oso. Even normal ppl walk oso not as slow as me. i dun wan 2 be different, so better say i dun wan anything happen 2 my leg.

Last time, i dun hav fren dat ask me go out so i hav 2 stay at home. O i hav 2 ask them go out. Bt nw, i got fren dat will ask me go out and hav fun wit them. Bt wat can i say????? I can only say no coz i cant walk properly. My leg got problem. When c them go out happily i will feel umcomfortable. Im a gal dat nobody will notice me, im so 'pin fan' dat nobody will care 4 my apperance or dissapperance. Bt if my leg is ok, i dun mind 2 b the 1 dat nobody will care abt bt nw my leg got prob, this make me feel im not belong here after all............

2day im so tired bt i still cant sleep bcoz of many unhappy things in my mind. I really hope 2 hav some1 who can listen 2 me n let me throw all my prob out.......bt i knw ther is no1 beside me anymore. The closet thing 4 me nw is my blog. I can cry whn i write my blog coz nobody will knw. I can bla a lot n it will not leave me or feel dat im troublesome. I oso no ned to fear dat it will get angry or disappointed. Blog oso will not judge me. Now, almost 1 am, bt im not sleepy at all, bt my heart fell vry 'sour' and pain.......